The Urban Dictionary definition for “Progressive” is actually really funny

From Urban Dictionary, this is the definition of “Progressive”:

A term that former liberals co-opted when they discovered that their delusional beliefs didn’t fit any recognized definition of the word liberal.

These fools are frequently self-loathing, unsuccessful losers who can only feel better by projecting their failures onto their opponents.

A “Progressive” is identified by the following behaviors/beliefs:

- Knows what is best for everybody else
- Claims to be well-informed even though they get their news/talking points from the Daily KOS and/or MSNBC

- Believes that personal wealth is evil yrt they fawn over wealthy celebrities and limousine liberals

- Believes corporations and profit are evil, and will tweet about this 24/7 on their fancy iPad

- Thinks name-calling and demonizing opponents is the same as debate

- Accuses every person with a dissenting view of being a racist


- Supported Occupy Wall Street from the comfort of their living room, not the rape tent

- Drives a Prius with a COEXIST bumper sticker
- Believes in the rights of everyone, except those who disagree

- Thinks the Constitution is flawed because they can’t control all 3 branches of government

- Believes YOUR success could only have come at THEIR expense

- Believes Al Gore is right about global warming, even though his carbon footprint 100X of the average person

- Thinks voter identification is racist, because it discriminates against dead people

Conservative: I believe in personal responsibility and smaller government

Progressive: You racist hate-monger

Conservative: You said you believed in equal rights for everybody

Progressive: Racist! You should die!

This is a pretty funny definition. However, they forgot to add that a progressive is so open-minded that their brain has fallen out.