January 1st is quick approaching. For many, this will be like a trip to Vegas. Whether or not you have health insurance will be a giant crapshoot. But never fear. Obama is on the job. He has some recommendations for those of us who will wake up January 1st with no coverage. Here is what he suggests you try should you find yourself in that situation:
Hope really hard
Make sure to pay your life insurance premiums
If you run out of birth control, remember condoms are reusable if washed in the delicate cycle. You can find the used condoms in the dumpster behind your local Planned Parenthood
Blame Bush
I’m pretty sure Time Life has a series on home surgery
I’m always available to play doctor. Call me
If you happen to need an emergency abortion, there are also coat hangers in the alley behind Planned Parenthood
If you are unable to refill your prescriptions, let me tell you about a wonderful little thing called the placebo effect
Have you tried faith healing lately?
If you happen to need an emergency organ transplant, there are also vagrants in the alley behind Planned Parenthood
If you ask your navigator, they will provide you with a fake Canadian ID, a fake Canadian passport and a
map showing the locations of all clinics in Canada
Clap your hands and say: I do believe in healthcare.gov! I do believe in healthcare.gov! I do believe in healthcare.gov!
Have you tried medicinal meth? You can get it from a guy in the dumpster behind the Planned Parenthood
Stop being so racist. Healthcare.gov can sense your racism and won’t work if you are racist.
Healthcare.gov is working for you, right?
Pretend to be an illegal alien. You’ll get treated right away
Remember to not vote Democrat next time
Join a union or become a Senator
Take the time now to prioritize your loved ones by how much you love them so it becomes easier to decide who gets the limited medical care you can afford
Laughter is the best medicine.
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