It’s a Las Vegas New Year

January 1st is quick approaching.  For many, this will be like a trip to Vegas.  Whether or not you have health insurance will be a giant crapshoot.  But never fear.  Obama is on the job.  He has some recommendations for those of us who will wake up January 1st with no coverage.  Here is what he suggests you try should you find yourself in that situation:

Hope really hard

Make sure to pay your life insurance premiums

If you run out of birth control, remember condoms are reusable if washed in the delicate cycle.  You can find the used condoms in the dumpster behind your local Planned Parenthood

Blame Bush

I’m pretty sure Time Life has a series on home surgery

I’m always available to play doctor.  Call me

If you happen to need an emergency abortion, there are also coat hangers in the alley behind Planned Parenthood

If you are unable to refill your prescriptions, let me tell you about a wonderful little thing called the placebo effect

Have you tried faith healing lately?

If you happen to need an emergency organ transplant, there are also vagrants in the alley behind Planned Parenthood

If you ask your navigator, they will provide you with a fake Canadian ID, a fake Canadian passport and a
map showing the locations of all clinics in Canada

Clap your hands and say: I do believe in healthcare.gov! I do believe in healthcare.gov! I do believe in healthcare.gov!

Have you tried medicinal meth?  You can get it from a guy in the dumpster behind the Planned Parenthood

Stop being so racist.  Healthcare.gov can sense your racism and won’t work if you are racist.

Healthcare.gov is working for you, right?

Pretend to be an illegal alien.  You’ll get treated right away

Remember to not vote Democrat next time

Join a union or become a Senator

Take the time now to prioritize your loved ones by how much you love them so it becomes easier to decide who gets the limited medical care you can afford

Laughter is the best medicine.